Dear Alex,

You were a gift for my on my birthday. When I first saw you, I didn't know how to react. I mean, did my friends think that:

1. I was so desperate for a bf that they had to BUY me one

or

2. I am such a picky person that there is no way I will find a guy in my lifetime so they decided to buy me one that meets some of my criterias.

So yeah, my first reaction when I saw you.

I still can't put that look into words but I think it is between "apa? boyfren?" and "omgggggggg...... you guys shouldn't have...."


But yeah, I ripped your packaging and christened you Alex. Had fun with you. Brought you out even though i had to drive and you can't hold my groceries because you do not have fingers. although i have to admit your behaviour isn't far off from the life-sized guys i date.

oooh... speaking of sizes. i thought u were small... but even before you could grow to 600 times your original size, you were too big for one hole.

but I had to get you in because I needed you to grow. so i stuffed and twisted you and u finally got in

I was happy because you fit but then i misplaced you for three days and u grew to this:

Now I can't get you out.